How can one revive this classic franchise? After more than 20 years and five other movies on this film, moviegoers still know very little about the alien species called ‘Predators.’ They’re big, they’re tough, they hunt humans for sport, but what is a Predator? Shane Black’s new rendition of The Predator is now out in theaters, and I will cut to the chase and say save your money. Why? Why? Why? … did they remake this classic movie and butcher it and all it senses of one of my iconic movie villains — and more or less ruins them forever.
Quick Background: A military sniper whose latest mission is interrupted when an unidentified flying object crash-lands into his line of fire. A Predator emerges, kills his whole troop, and he escapes with a valuable piece of its technology, which he mails to himself for insurance, just in case the government tries to cover it up. (He also swallows another part of it, for no other reason than he’ll need to poop that out later for plot purposes.) Before too long, the Predator escapes, sniper goes on the run with therapy group filled with soldiers suffering from comic-relief mental illnesses, and they’re all looking for the lost alien technology. Along the way, they learn more about Predators and almost nothing about themselves.
There is a lot to take in from The Predator, but we have to start somewhere, so let’s start with the movie’s tone. John McTiernan’s original The Predator was a funny film, but the humor served a purpose. It was about wise-cracking tough guy mercenaries who bragged about their love for violence. So when a Predator showed up and slaughtered them one-by-one, and all that macho-ness faded away, it had a dramatic impact. Fast forward to this day and age “Predator,” which is also a funny film, but its humor is in service of itself. They overdid the jokes taking away from the beauty of what is a ‘Predator’ and how it hunts. There wasn’t any suspense throughout the whole film, and I did not like the funny jokes that they kept making on about mental illness; it was getting real old quick for me.
Nevertheless, those who are in it for the gore, the action, and the “your mom” jokes will have a blast. All in all, nothing is going to beat the 1987John McTiernan’s film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger in my eyes. The Predator is an absolute mess. It’s a bunch of random and sometimes unrelated storylines, subplots, character arcs, mysteries, running jokes, and more were all thrown together, and the actual ‘Predator’ was the last thing on their mind.
The Predator opens up everywhere September 14.